My Story: Living Life Outside the Bubble

One simple act of generosity can change a life, a community and the world." ---Debbie Macomber

How many of you ever reached out with a random act of kindness; a donation, a compliment, or a helping hand and changed someone's life? Now here's a question you may not have ever considered; how has your own life been affected since reaching out to help that someone in need?

Recently I told an abbreviated version of my story at PechaKuchaGR, a venue where you are allowed exactly 6 min/ 40 sec to share your story. Until I can share that video, here is my story.

My name is Terri Spaulding and I am an average girl. At age 49 I have just begun to understand the importance of generosity and its affect on the world around me. I wanted to share my story, which I call: Living Life Outside the Bubble in hopes that it might help plant a seed of generosity in someone else.

Three years ago I reached out to help someone in need and what I have learned is that the person who was really in need, was me.

I have traveled through life on what many could call a super safe track. I'll even admit it was a ridiculously sheltered, judgmental and naive track. I followed the rules as I had been taught, worked hard, bought only what I could afford, never became a burden to anyone, and kept my nose out of trouble. I lived responsibly, and I took control. Together, my husband of 27 years and I, have created a beautiful life for ourselves and our two boys.

What I didn't realize is that a piece of me was missing, my sense of generosity. And what I didn't see coming was that when my middle class republican bubble finally burst, the life that would reveal itself afterwards, would be so much more fulfilling than I ever dreamed. I moved out of my black and white world, and into a fuller, richer life in the grey.

The group of misfits that changed my life.

According to the author of the book A Million Miles in a 1000 Years, everyone has a story, and everyone has an inciting incident that starts their "story." My inciting incident was volunteering to be a backstage mom for the high school production of Annie that my oldest son was in, at a school he was not even attending. There, my eyes were opened to a world I had known existed, but hadn't really let affect me. A world where kids were growing up far too fast, many without the support and love of parents, or people who cared, who might on any given day go hungry, or worse yet, go unnoticed.

I watched the young directors of the musical, married teachers, who were expecting their first child, work with this cast of "misfits." I was astonished at the bond the group shared, the very diverse "family" they had grown into in such a relatively short amount of time. I was even more astounded by the energy and dedication this couple exuded while doing it. I could see their impact, not only through the actions and eyes of my son, but the whole cast. There was a feeling of love that surrounded everyone involved, and the impact their leadership was having on all those lives was completely inspiring to see.

And after less than a week, when I found myself both physically and mentally exhausted, and knowing that the Morgans had spent several months working with these kids on a daily basis, I wondered aloud "Why are you doing this?"

Dan's answer is one I will never forget. He said, "because my wife and I vowed to love all children."
 

 Dan & Ella Morgan, directors of the UHS Production of Annie

And that simple statement changed my life. I felt something shift in me. A seed of generosity was planted in me. I realized that if these children were so thankful and hungry for the little bit of attention I was able to provide as a backstage mom, what could I do if I really stepped up to the plate to help someone in need?

It didn't take long until I heard a voice inside tell me that the girl playing Annie, was that someone in need for me. So, I reached out to Sadie and our world has been forever changed. Annie (or Sadie) has lived with us on and off for the past 3 years, and last fall we expanded our family to take on legal guardianship of her 16 year old brother, Jeffrey.

The changes we have made make for chaos, drama and activity in our house, at a time in our lives that Mike and I once imagined we'd be experiencing an empty nest. The house is never clean. The laundry is never done. The cupboards seem like they empty as soon as they are filled. Many days I feel like I take one step forward and two back, and nights when worry gets the best of me, and I begin to doubt my own abilities... How did I think I could take on other people's children when I can barely raise my own? 

But the good it has brought to all our lives far outweighs the times we have struggled. There will always be long lasting love that grew out of that small seed of generosity, our new family was born. Our eyes have been opened to a new perspective, and our hearts will never be the same. When people look at our situation and wonder what we were thinking by making our lives more complicated, I answer with the only explanation I have. Because it was the right thing to do. Because we could.

 Our kids: Our hope

Bursting out of that bubble and taking a leap into the unknown, not only changed my life, but the lives of my family. For the better. I appreciate more, love more, and have lived more fully each day since.

I believe each of us has the power within ourselves to reach out in kindness. That small act can start a ripple effect that could eventually change a life, or who knows, maybe even change the world. Generosity is awesome like that, it has a way of spreading. You never know when one simple act might start something big in motion.

Here's what I hope you'll take away from the sharing of my story:

• Don't be afraid to burst out of your bubble, whatever kind of bubble it is 
• Listen to your inner voice if it is telling you to help someone in need
• Practice true benevolence----give without expecting anything in return 

Oh yeah, and don't forget to tell someone if they've changed your life--you never know how that also might change theirs ----so to Dan & Ella Morgan, Mercedes (Sadie) & Jeffrey DeJesus, and the entire cast of Annie, THANK YOU for changing my life. For bringing about a change in me that I wish to be seen in the world.

"One of life's great rules is this: The more you give, the more you get." ----William H. Danforth

Almost 50 And Finally Comfortable In My Own Skin

I’ve got wrinkles, laugh lines, crow's feet and apparently I’ve started a collection of age spots. This year I turn one of those really big numbers you cannot forsee yourself getting to when you are a kid. The Big 5-0.

50.

Wow, what did I think life would be like at this age?


Honestly, when I was a kid I thought I would be winding down at 50. After all, that is o-l-d, right? Wrong.

I really feel like I am just getting started. I may have lived more than half my life, but now it is time to make it count.

I'll start by sharing something I wish someone would have told me years ago. The importance of taking care of your skin. I learned only last year. What??? It's true. For years  I struggled with breakouts and blemishes, and I never really knew why they happened, or what to do with them when they did. In fact, I am fairly certain I actually did everything  wrong.

A good skin care system, like the one I use now, Theraderm Skin Renewal System, is what I was missing. I so wish I'd have known.

 A little box of awesomeness.

From the first time I used it, my face has felt firmer. Softer. Prettier. So the crow's feet and the laugh lines and the worry wrinkles might still be there, but now they feel so much better. And that makes me comfortable in my own skin.

Each time I have given into worry, another crease has taken up residence on my face. Each time I have laughed until I cried, I have given the laugh lines the two thumbs up to settle in. And those crow’s feet, well when my brain gets curious, or works hard to figure something out, I squint. I realize now that I must do that a lot.

But instead of wishing them away, I am choosing to embrace them. I am not a PYT anymore. I am almost-50 year old me.

My face is scarred, weathered, lived in.

But it feels better than ever.

I wish that I had learned the benefits of the 4-Step Theraderm System before last year. I might have avoided years of blemishes and breakouts, I might have come to love this face of mine, long before now.

I am not a product reviewer, I am a simply a Theraderm believer. Each spring I head north to my cottage, my happy place, and find myself in need of another complete Theraderm Skin Renewal System to leave up there. Christina, from Therapon, made this happen for me and in exchange, asked me to share my story with you. Here is the link to their website, if you do not love the way your face currently feels, I encourage you to check it out. Believe me, the 4-step process is easy, and the results are immediate.

Turning 50 with a face I now love, makes this milestone just a little sweeter.

Care to share anything you wish you’d learned long ago?

In A Perfect World...

...I'd be a perfect mom. 

But, there is no such thing as a perfect mom.

We make mistakes, we often say and do the wrong things. We worry. We embarrass. We celebrate. We support. We expect too much. We are often disappointed. We demand the truth. We do not accept excuses. We yell. We cry. We laugh. We sigh. We get angry. We talk too much. We talk too loud. We make sense. We exert control.

And yet underneath it all, our goal is to protect.

Mothers often find themselves overwhelmed, a little stressed and a lot behind the eight ball. As a result, some days we forget to show how much we care. How much we love. How proud we are. And we fail to communicate how much we just want the best for our children.

We are after all, just human. We are not perfect.

When my children fail, I take it personally. As if it is somehow a result of something I did (or did not do) as a mother. As if it is a reflection of my parenting skills. Was it something I never taught my children? Or something I failed to show them by example? Or something I didn’t explain correctly? 

I find myself wondering if things would have turned out differently if I had been more patient, or kinder, or stronger, or if I had been a stay at home mom, like my mom was?

Don’t think you are alone if you second guess yourself and the way you have raised your kids, because I do. A lot of people do. Especially when it seems that our children have not heard us. Or when we think they should know better.

I think that between us, Mike and I have gone through every … what happens when/if, scenario we could think of. Hoping that it could prevent our kids from making mistakes we had already made, or prevent the regrets we’ve come to know.

But in the end, it isn’t about us. It’s about letting our kids make their own choices and their own mistakes. The consequences are theirs to own. It isn’t a reflection of how I have parented. It isn't about me at all. And if at the end of the day we have given it our best effort and offered our most honest attempt to show them the way, and yet they still choose a path different from what we would have chosen for them; it is not our fault.

There I said it. It is not my fault.

 

In my heart I know I have done my best and parented as I have, for all the right reasons; and with love in my heart. In my head, I still have a hard time not taking it personally.

We help our children grow wings, and when it is time, they either fly away or fall.

If they choose not to listen, there is little we can do, except be there to help them get back on their feet.

As I learn to accept my children and the choices they make, I sometimes think to myself, it’d be so much easier if they’d just listen to me. (Maybe I even voice that thought aloud to those who I know will understand.) It’d be a heck of a lot easier for me anyway, if my kids would just do it my way....

But it is not up to me, and parenting is not meant to be easy. Think: hardest job ever.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink.

What’s been the hardest thing for you in your life so far?